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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kikotoast's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, September 12th, 2009
7:27 pm
What's sillier than white people getting kanji/hiragana/katakana tattoos? White people with their names tattooed on themselves in katakana! Hilarious! Imagine walking around with people reading your name off your foot or back.
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
4:36 pm
I always forget that the trains here stop running at 12:30AM! I went to Harajuku last night to hang out and make friends, which was fun. Before I knew it, it was like 1AM and I was stuck in Harajuku. I really like Harajuku. There are cool artsy shops and lots of various fashionable people like punks and gothic lolitas. Anyway I was stuck, so I decided to walk around til 5, when the trains start. I started walking, and eventually got to Shibuya, which is one of the best places to party. Everything was still open at 3AM, even hair/nail salons, karaoke clubs, Starbucks, and noodle shops of course! I just wonder what would compel someone to get a haircut at 3 in the morning. I can't imagine myself going bar-hopping and suddenly realizing that my hair has lots of split ends.

I'm really not a tranny.Collapse )

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
6:16 pm
Today was nice and relaxing. I have to go to work soon. I feel kind of disturbed by the fact that I get so drunk that I forget what happened or mix up the facts. The manager asked me yesterday if I got in a fight with a particular customer and I was so confused.. as far as I remember he was really nice and gave me cab faire before we parted. Supposedly he went to the police station for some reason. I really hope it didn't have anything to do with me!

If I don't have entertaining moments tonight I'm just going to quit and take a trip to Osaka or Kyoto.

Current Mood: worried
Monday, March 30th, 2009
7:16 pm
My tailbone feels better. I fell on it 12 days ago. I'm just writing about amusing things that happened because they were amusing.Collapse )

The cherry trees started to bloom, but it got cold again, so the trees are once again as bare as they were when I first got here. I hope they bloom soon! It's truly beautiful to see the cherry trees with masses of pink blossoms. I feel pretty Japanese by now. They all like to talk about the cherry trees. Even on the weather channel. Right after finding out whether it will rain tomorrow or not, you find out where and when the cherry blossoms will bloom.
Friday, March 27th, 2009
6:01 pm
gay in TokyoCollapse )

Current Mood: curious
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
4:29 am
drunk and indifferent in Roppongi.. finished my homework already
I really want to explore Japan! That's what I came here to do. I didn't come here to get drunk with guys in Roppongi. I want to take a bullet train to Osaka and Okinawa. That would be awesome. I think my time is limited though because the cockroaches will appear soon (when the temperature reaches 25 degrees Celsius).

I want to go home for just a few days! But I had a pretty good night. It is Saturday night. I am so tired! My job is emotionally exhausting more than anything. My body is exhausted as well. I am a little drunk, but I resolved not to get so drunk this week (which probably wont't last very long). I want to go back to San Francisco, which seems stupid considering how much I wanted to come here. I miss my friends back in the States, and I miss the LL. I'm just tired of my job.. figuring out how to network with rich dudes and how to block out my emotions is the hardest part. It is a job full of emotions such as guilt, jealousy, and anxiety.

I am just glad that I am doing my humanities course (which is part of the IGETC course requirements to get into UCs). I feel that as long as I am being productive and doing school, I will get somewhere someday.

Current Mood: groggy
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
4:56 pm
It's stupid getting so stressed out over a club job I'm only going to keep for 2 months at the most. Tonight I'm really going to try to make friends! And have fun with the customers! I keep having to steer them away from boring topics like religion, philosophy, history, problems with the Japanese government, President Obama, the recession, blah blah blah. I don't know why they end up talking about those things when they've got tits in their face.

I just don't know how to small talk with people! It's so frightening! What do I say? I figure I should just ask them questions about their life, where they're from, what they do.. people like to talk about themselves. But that gets so boring. At Betsey Johnson we would strike up conversations with customers about what they're wearing, their hairstyle, etc. I wonder if that would work better?

Current Mood: stressed
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
10:59 pm
I really miss my friends. I miss the LL. :( I've made a few acquaintances at work, so that's kind of nice. I hope I can get to know them better. It's weird being the only American. All the white girls are from Russia. I feel a little isolated. But I feel like I am learning a lot of Japanese and this has been a good experience for me.

I'm so sick of champagne though. I hate champagne now. Just the smell makes me nauseous. I had such a crappy customer yesterday, but he had money. He kept complaining about my tattoos and it was awkward, and then suggested that I dye my hair black so that my skin would look whiter, and then bragged about how he loves going to Italy and shop at Gucci and Prada, AND THEN he only bought two bottles of cheap champagne ugggghhh. I can only handle smiling and being friendly for so many hours before I get really frustrated and irritated with work. Being assertive yet diplomatic and nice (and cute and sexy and blah blah) takes a lot of skill and focus, for me anyway.
Friday, February 20th, 2009
9:30 pm
So I woke up this morning, ate my usual bread and soup, and then I was really really sick. I felt like I had the stomach flu. It was awful! What the fuck? I'm so pissed that I had to call in to work today. I just started there, and they probably think I got too drunk last night or was otherwise irresponsible.

Anyway I hung out at home, freaked out, went and got some udon noodles, and then felt better. I wonder why I was so sick for like an hour. Maybe it was a reaction to the alcohol? I don't eat anything at work so maybe I shouldn't drink so much.

just me rattling off on why I love my new job for the sake of getting it off my chestCollapse )

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
4:15 pm
nervous about my first shiftCollapse )

Current Mood: nervous
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
2:58 pm
Monday, February 9th, 2009
3:14 pm
I want to apply for a fun job but I am so shy! I went to the Electric Town part of Akiba again, and skimmed the area for maid cafes. I went to a couple, and they seemed really tame. At one cafe, the girls play games with the customers or sing karaoke (for a fee) but there didnt't seem to be anything more than that. I want to find something weirder, like the one where the customers pay the maids to slap them and stuff.

I walked around and collected flyers from girls promoting their cafes (or maid dating services or maid restaurants, etc.). I got one that looks kind of interesting. It's called Nurse Station and has pictures of girls in frilly pink nurse outfits. The main attraction seems to be that you can lay your head on the "nurse's" lap and she will give you a scalp massage. I came across one maid cafe with a really badass name, Little Beauty's Satanic Dining. I didn't go inside but maybe it's really cool. Or really boring.

It is so cold here, my lotion froze over!
Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
4:21 pm
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
11:41 pm
I like my online class (Pre-Stonewall Queer Literature) but I wish there were a way to know everyone's face. I can't remember names. Is that shallow? I have a hard time dealing with communicating with someone who I can't visually identify. I don't know why but I assumed my teacher is a man; moreover I pictured my teacher as a tall, thin, Black gay man. The teacher is actually a stocky White dyke. I found out when I went to her homepage. I feel pretty ignorant and it made me realize how much I assume things based on little details like a name or a haircut.

Current Mood: scared
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
2:49 am
Came back from L.A. I went there with my parents to relax a little. It was a lot of fun. Especially when we drove through East L.A. Very interesting to drive through Latin American districts where everything is in Spanish. Also we discovered Little Korea or Koreatown, a stretch of about 2 miles. All the businesses were Korean; everything was written in Korean. And I mean, this place was huge!! About the size of the Mission district here. They must have all come to the U.S. in big groups.

We visited my old elementary school and discovered that their announcements said that Jan. 19 is "Chucky Cheese Day". It didn't mention Martin Luther King day anywhere. My mom and I were totally confused.. I just don't get it. Who would be offended by Martin Luther King day??
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
4:10 pm
Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
12:53 am
Today I started crying at work and it was terrible. I can't stand it when people ask "what's wrong" or "do you want to talk" because I get so embarrassed! Anyway it wasn't anything specific. I just felt icky and miserable and talking to my mom on the phone in my skanky outfit just made me so sad. She would have a cow if she knew.

I whine about this a lot, but I wish that for once people would leave me alone about my race. I get so jealous of people who are obviously just Asian or White or Latin. I had this subby little Chinese dude complaining that the hotline said there would be an Asian girl in the booth. I said "yeah here I am". He seemed confused and asked me if I am "mixed". I hate that word. It makes me feel like some sort of mixed breed dog. Then I was walking down Columbus and these Italian restaurant guys stopped me and asked if I am Romanian. What are the odds of that being right?? Romania is tiny. I get so irritated with the race thing every day. Maybe I'll just have some fun with it? Tomorrow I will be Russian Chinese. Or Korean Scottish. Or Swedish Philipina. Or Mexican. Sometimes Asians and Latinas look alike; after all, the natives of South America crossed over from Asia during the Ice Age. And then evolution created some differences.

I wonder if people really go around asking other people what their "nationality" is every day. It seems kind of rude to me. It's like asking "how old are you" or "are your boobs real" or "are you male or female". Even my dad asks waitresses and cashiers questions like "are you from the Phillipines" and it is really embarrassing. I can't imagine White people asking other White people "so are you Latvian or Estonian??".

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. At least I don't get eyed suspiciously, talked down to, or body searched in airports. I can't really imagine what Black or Hispanic or Middle Eastern people experience here.

Current Mood: annoyed
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
1:04 pm
stressed out because of moving

i'm glad i quit the club but i REALLY miss performing my sets on stage with my own music. i would always ask the dj to play "mexican hip hop" because it has such a wonderful beat. i miss that. i wish i knew the names of latin hip hop artists.
Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
9:18 pm
It was cool and all that Centerfolds took me, but I'm really frustrated about today. Yesterday was cool, I got a few dances and a foot play session, but today I made a whopping $22. I know I'm eventually going to get sick of being screwed over (illegally) by the strip club monopoly in every way possible. Being an independent contractor, yet having to follow rules like "you can only take 1/2 hour of break" or "you owe us $240 of your shift's earnings" or "you can't wear a sweater when it's freezing cold" etc.

It was just really discouraging today. I'm sure there will be better shifts. I wish I were less socially awkward and could chatter away about anything.

Current Mood: pissed off
Monday, December 29th, 2008
1:53 am
Today I went to Centerfolds with my little goth friend to see if they would audition us. I want to try to work New Year's Eve, if not at CF then at the LL. I'm kind of a loner and have never "partied" on New Year's Eve.

So we're auditioning tomorrow night and I'm a little nervous. It will be my first high-end club. I'm afraid that they'll tell me I have too many tattoos. Oh I got another one last week on my left calf, to match the right one. A lot of guys seem to like tattoos though. I get compliments from almost every customer, even old dudes. I don't get why clubs make such a big deal about it. It's not like we're in the Bible Belt.

This week has brought me an amazing amount of business, which was the opposite of what I expected. I don't get it. It's Christmas week AND the economy sucks. I am so burnt out though. I can't deal with obnoxious guys anymore (for a few days anyway). Why are they so rude and idiotic? Is it because there's glass between us? Does that objectify me even more, like I'm not even an existing person, just an image? Or do most of them treat other women that way?
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